Search for the Leprechaun GW
by alilloki
Summary: Written a very long time ago* OC and Gundam characters. The GW boys & female asassins R staying at 1 of Quatre's mansions when an uninvited dinner guest causes them to search this house of insanity. 1 o D funniest/stupidest GW Fanfics ever written!


Search for the Leprechaun

By: eViL kitten

Written in the December of 2001 this is a strange fan fiction full of foul language and just plain idiocy. If you read you're going to think I was on crack. I had thought I had lost it, but to my surprise I found it sitting in a torn folder along with the other Gundam Wing shorts I had written. Being a gigantic Gundam fan, particularly at the time it aired on Cartoon Network, I would submit anything I wrote to countless sites. This one was on a very small site for a short time. I normally write stories like this when I'm about to have insomnia so it gets. . .weird. The scenes are quick and descriptions brief. Plus all the characters are kind of out of character in order to let the "plotline" and event progress. Just play along.

It has original characters from an old unfinished fanfic named "Assasin's Play" that was on a popular site, but I was young so I didn't have many readers, lol. So it might be confusing, but bare with me I made the characters as simple minded as possible.

Now I've rewritten it from a 7 page printout and it's much better with new parts!

*--* Enjoy! *--*

Quatre sits alone in the dead of night. The moon shimmers off the still lake and reflects onto his sweet, loving face. His thoughts are on his beloved of whom he longed for or more so his body longed for. A light and rose scented breeze pulls at his hair and teases his lips. When will she arrive? He wonders.

A chill runs up his spine like a tender legged spider. He glances over to face a tight, well tanned belly. He smiles and takes her soft hand into his. Who knew such gentle touch had killed so many. She sits besides him in the plush grass that tickles any exposed skin. His fingertips draw a line up over her knee towards her inner thigh. Her crimson eyes stare into him emitting a hue of lust as if putting him into a trance. Never has he been so bewitched. She nibbles upon his neck making her way to his lips. "Genesis," he whispers. She silences him slowly with her tongue-twisting kiss that sucks their souls from one another into the stratosphere.

Their bodies suddenly saturated and tingle with the million stings of viscous honey bees puts a halt to their reverie. Genesis's lovely face becomes that of an enraged panther for the embarrassment and cock block taking from her what her loins yearned for! She becomes a cat person. . .

_"__She was one of the dreaded "Cat People" - doomed to slink and prowl and court by night... fearing always that a lover's kiss might change her into a snarling, clawing KILLER!"_

"You needed a cool down. You two were going to set the lawn on fire!"

"I knew you guys needed a rubber so we decided to "drop" one off for ya!"

"That's it you stupid ass mother fuckers! If I catch you I swear I'll hang you by your feet, rip out your tongues, shove them up your ass', and beat you in the head with tire iron until your skulls cave in! Then just for decoration before you're dead from hemorrhaging I'll pull our each strand of your hair one by one and make it into a festive Christmas wreath!" She begins marching up the hill towards the sounds of her giggling assailants who had ran off too quickly for her to spot.

Quatre runs a hand through his blonde locks and pulls off a remnant of a water balloon. It did indeed cool him off. His balls are positively blue by now. He sighs as he's alone again sitting on a moonlight night by a romantic lake and no woman there to release him. He looks at his hand in dismay and sobs.

Trowa Barton glances up from his newspaper print to see the still dripping Genesis. Her thin, stream lined body, ruby red lips, exotic tan skin, full breasts, and long black hair was enough to turn any man's fancy, but she isn't the girl he's after. One out of many of Quatre's sisters a charming blonde tom boy, a diamond in the rough, a fresh faced virgin had struck his eye, literally.

"Where is Duo Maxwell and that damn Juggles Kwan?!" Her fangs bare and blood would be spread if she didn't get some answers.

Trowa knew Maya, Juggles being her stage name, quite well. Yet another would be assassin staying with them in one of Quatre's mansions. She had been a clown and acrobatic performer at his circus who also "spent the night" in his trailor. She was Duo Maxwell's female self in the flesh except having blonde hair held up like Sailor Moon they are basically the same person. He takes his time giving it some thought his eyes drifting over stiffening parts of her and points to the second floor. She takes off without a word to capture her pray.

Wufei Chang concentrates hard as this is his destiny at stake. His most important task of the night relies on his skills and luck. Will the mighty Otaku smile upon this warrior or will he frown?

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" He and Sierra yell as Gedra watches. Her turn is next.

"I win!" Sierra cheers putting both her fair arms up and flips her short, feather white hair. Wufei glares at her. How could this anemic girl Heero had been taking care of outwit him at such a childish game? He grunts in frustration.

Gedra dressed in all black from her combat boots to her Matrix style leather jacket and ray-blocker sunglasses she wears even at night. All that black truly brings out her shoulder length auburn hair. Out of all of them it was truly plain to see that she was a mercenary yet her contracted had ended and being as she's Genesis friend she had nothing better to do, but take a vacation. Wufei holds up his hands. He's not going to lose!

"Rock, paper-" He yells.

She whips out a long, gleaming weapon and Wufei is staring down the business end of a Colt .45. "Gun, shoot." She finishes the chant.

"You win!" Wufei blurts out his defeat and cautiously moves over to the basket.

"That was harsh." Sierra giggles.

"I hate doing laundry. Nobody ever separates their colors." Gedra's deep, melancholic voice is soaked with years of hardship. . .from ill equipped Laundromats.

"Dinner!" a light voice echoes from the inner chambers. The whole herd of Gundam pilots and their would-be assassins rushes to the dining hall. The two sets of five arrange their seat around the opposite sex they fancy most. Sierra is along side Heero, Quatre holds an empty chair for his still prowling beloved, Juggles attempts to sneak in next to Trowa, but he squeezes himself between Soreya, Quatre's sister, and Gedra. Wufei is left as the odd one out as his bad attitude and refusal to shower kept everyone at a distance. Luckily, he didn't like anyone anyways so he doesn't bother showing up.

_Lesson of the day children: You'll never make friends if you refuse to shower, but a dirty head keeps the head lice away._

Duo is still missing. Juggles had skillfully slipped by Genesis via dumbwaiter leaving Duo at the mercy of his own wit. Being cornered he finds his only escape is out the fifth story window using only an umbrella as his parachute. If Mary Poppins could defy the odds his experience with helicopter umbrellas should make him a pro.

Wufei grumbles like a cranky old lady as he loads another load of laundry. "Spandex shorts, tank top, spandex, jeans, boxers, tank top, garter, tank top, panties, more spandex, briefs, pink rubber catapiller, spandex. . ." He mumbles as he sorts through Heero's laundry all too hungry to pay close attention as to where he's throwing in the washer. The sound of a tiny bit of laughter catches his attention. It's coming from the side of the dryer. He turns his head in time to spot a pair of his own underwear scurry off behind the dryer. He leaps into action after, but ends up hitting the metal siding. He groans for a moment while eyeing the huge dent his face just made. He eyes bug out as he spots his underwear doing a fandango tango with a sock. "What's going on here! Duo, stop this immature little prank now, baka!" But he gets no answer. The sock and his underwear blow a raspberry at him and disappear back behind the dryer.

Duo limps into the dining room his clothes torn, face dirt and blood smeared; and a tree branch caught in his long mane. He pulls a couple of thorns out of his ass and takes a painful seat. No one says a word as they stare and continue to eat the breadsticks. Genesis has already returned and is seated on Quatre's lap. (Shameless)

"Are you all prepared to eat! I don't know how to cook, but since it was my night to cook I winged it as best I can. So shut up and swallow!" Soreya has a sweat drop running down her face as she drops the huge glass baking pan on the table. Even if they get diarrhea she gave them fair warning.

Genesis smiles at Juggles who is seated across from her next to Duo so that she may better assist him. Juggles shivers like a frightened rabbit. That smile is deadly. Out of this air Genesis pulls a shiny object. "Yipe!" Juggles ducks, throwing herself forward and smacking her head on the table as the knife impales into her chair. She slides to the floor.

"Duo Maxwell faces me now! I don't have time for this trickery!" Wufei bursts into the room covered in dryer lint and his hair a mussed mess. He almost looks as bad as Duo, almost.

"Wufei, what the hell are you talking about?" Heero is far too hungry to put up with anymore delays. He's about to take a knife to table. Besides that wants extra energy if he's going to be any extra curricular activities with Sierra that night.

"He was playing tricks on me! Messing with my mind! Making me hard!" Wufei grabs the sides of his head as if he's losing his mind. They all wait patiently as he finish his dramatic rant. "He thought it would be funny to take man's personal belongings that belong on his genitals and make them dancer around me as I tried to clean them!" It's then they notice his legs are covered in sudsy water was if he was in the washer itself. "Do you realize how hard that is to do?!"

"What are you bitchin' about, Wufei? The only pranks I pulled tonight were water ballooning Quatre and his demon bride over there." Duo explains and Juggles, who is back from the floor, nods in agreement.

Wufei's mouth hangs ajar. "But you made my underwear dance around and then the sock dropped an anvil on my head!" They all shake their hands; feeling very embarrassed for him for only a moment before getting back to dinner. Wufei then looks down and notices a noodle crawling on the floor. "Shinigami!"

"WHAT???" Screams Duo. "My head is pounding enough as it is without some Asian homo screaming in my ear!"

"It's _them_. . .they've come for my shorts! Oohh, no, my fingers are angry!" He starts rubbing his head furiously. "I must appease them! Or else the Oompa Loompas are going to come and devour me! _AHAHAHAHAHAHA_!!" Wufei spins around and goes screaming down the hallway. No one could bare to swallow a bite while watching him. Even for them this was strange.

"Maybe he should be executed?" Heero suggests as they all sigh in agreement.

"That's your solution to everything!" Juggles snaps at him.

"It's the final solution. Works every time." He retorts.

From thin air an uninvited dinner guest comes dropping in and lands on the burnt garlic bread with a loud crunch. He's a tiny man, stout, and dressed in all green, big buckles, and black shoes. His bowler cap has a clover sticking out from the trim. He immediately breaks into dance doing some sort of odd jig in the pasta noodles that fly in all directions, sticking to the walls and them. He lets out a malicious chuckle to mock them all. Like a hyper active pigmy monkey hybrid he leaps onto Heero; ricochets and lands on Gedra with enough force to knock them both back in her chair.

"Irish baby, the great big hills of the Emerald isle!" He cops a feel of her breasts and then plants one on her.

Promptly throwing him off she spits and goes for her gun. "I'm not Irish." Is all she can get out in outrage as she takes begins shooting.

Her dinner mates scream and duck for cover. "What the fuck! Don't blast that thing in here!"

"Where are you aiming?!"

"You missed him! You missed again!"

"Your aim sucks! That was almost my freaking head!"

He bounces around the room as if he's a highball injected rubber grasshopper. He finally halts for a moment to stare down Genesis's skimpy outfit. "Saint's preserve us she's an angel." She takes the opportunity to break a wine glass and swing it around into his pudgy 1-foot tall body and Gedra manages to get in one good shot.

"He's not bleeding. . ." Genesis says in amazement.

In a poof of smoke he transforms into a frog and hops off the table. "Come catch the horny toad and get me pot of gold!" (can't say "chase me lucky charms" that is copy write material)

"You guys. . ." Juggles is wide eyed as she peeks from behind her chair, "I think. . .that was. . .a leprechaun!" The others make busy with picking what's left of dinner out of their hair and clothes.

Gedra's and Genesis's eyes are both twitching. "Damn it! I wanted to disembowel that midget with my dinner fork!" She holds up a fork.

"That's your salad fork." Quatre corrects her.

"I don't think you can say "midget" I think they like being called "little people" or "dwarf."' Soreya adds in.

"How the hell is "dwarf" any more sensitive than midget?! That sounds just as bad!" Genesis argues back. "Why the hell am I debating this with you?!"

"Let's get him." Heero's dark and cold voice ices over the room as he floats up from the floor. The leprechaun had left a clear indentation of it's foot on his forehead.

"You're on your own." Gedra gets up from the table in no mood for games.

"Me, too, " Duo and Genesis say at the same time.

"I need to relax. I think I sprained something." He rubs his back.

"And I'm going to just start drinking before I burn this place to the ground." Genesis grabs the wine bottle.

Those staying to search leave the room together leaving only Soreya before she can speak up. She tries to get up, but can't. she drops her head to the side and sighs. "Oh, man." She wines.

"So who's teaming up with who?" Sierra is directing her attention towards Heero.

"I wanna go with Trowa!" Juggles hops up and down like a poodle.

"No!" Trowa blurts out holding his hand like a traffic conductor to say stop. He wants to stay away from a hormonally challenged, hyper active girl.

"Heero?" Sierra still hasn't gotten an answer from him.

He shakes his head. "I want to take this one alone."

"I'll be your partner, Sierra." Quatre generously offers. She smiles at him when Juggles starts wining.

"I don't wanna be alone!!" She cries like a five year old.

"Go with Heero. He needs backup." Sierra offers, taking her revenge.

Heero flinches and Juggles makes a face. They both find the other annoying. 'I'll get you for this." They both think threats at Sierra.

With arrangement made and sections planted out they grab their flashlights and pick head down their dark wings. (funny how none of them thought to turn on the damn light?)

Gedra goes down to the gym to do some boxing. Her anger is sitting in her chest where that creature felt her up. Duo spots her on his way to the sauna, but by the way she's going at that punching bag he decides it's best for his safety to leave sleeping dogs lie. As he's adjusting the temperature he feels a slight breeze under his towel and then there's a tug between his legs as if someone is ringing the doorbell. Shocked by the arousing yet mysterious phantom molestation he peeks into the towel. Swinging on his member gleefully is a pink, Barbie-doll sized naked lady with bright green wings. She pulls and bounces up and down without a care before she notices she's being watched and smiles at him.

"AAAAHHHH!" He falls to the floor slapping at his crotch. Gedra lifts an eyebrow at the crazy boy screaming and rolling around on the floor as if on fire. A sparkling light flies out from under the towel and disappears into the ceiling. Gedra rolls her eyes as she has to help the hysterical boy to his feet. Duo chuckles airily that he needs to be protected by an extremely strong woman with composure that rival's Heeros. At least she's a beautiful body guard.

"What the hell is that?" Gedra wonders when the sparkling light returns. She isn't amused at the high pitched laughing and playful flying.

"That's the thing that attacked my dick!" Duo screeches. Gedra doesn't ask.

"Silly couple. You act like a boy," it points at Gedra, "and you look like a girl!" It's not the first time Duo has heard this. Hilde and Dorothy had collaborated in making a "DuoxHeero" site. Fangirls are scary. "You two should switch." Gedra puts up her dukes. Still wearing her boxing gloves she's ready to spare. One mighty swing and *smack* it's impaled right into the wall.

"Ho-ho, you squished it like bug!" Duo cheers.

The fairy reaches her hand from the crater and pulls herself out. "Now you have to change!" She orders in a villainous voice. She flies up over them and creates a fog of pixie dust that covers the room.

Duo and Gedra hack up a lung as the dust settles. "What was that all about? It was a lot of nothing just to make my allergies act up." Duo sneezes and notices something odd hanging from his chest. Gedra pulls on her shorts in order to get more room. They're suddenly cramping her stuff. Actually, all her clothes are tighter. Duo lets out a horrified scream. That strange gravitational pull on his chest isn't access body fat, but breasts. "I'm a chick!" He runs over to a mirror. "I'm a freaking woman! A smoking hawt woman with big, voluptuous breasts!" He cries as he feels himself up. "PORQUE!"

"Duo, shut up and quit pinching your nipples. That's not helping." Gedra folds her arms. She's not enjoying her first erection.

"Not helping you. . ." Duo snickers.

*8^P"

Meanwhile Heero and Juggles make their way into another room. They had covered quite a few and found nothing, but some hippie squatters and Quatre's decrepit old uncle who wished for Heero to sit on his lap. Juggles is clanging to his arm for dear life. He has to pry her off in order to squeeze it out before he lost all feeling completely. He heads towards the back of the room as Juggles cowers by the door. There's a small creak to her left and she takes a step to get a closer look. A mighty breeze blows up her skirt as she lets out a "yipe!"

"What's wrong now?" Heero hurries over to Juggles who is on the floor with a hand holding down her skirt.

She points a shaky finger at the half-open closet. "M-m-monster! It's hideous!"

Heero creeps over to slowly open the door the rest of the way. There is a figure waiting for him on the other side. With no time to react all Heero can do is scream.

"Look, there he goes!" Quatre points ahead of them as they give chase to the laughing leprechaun. It takes off down the hallway past an open, lit room. Quatre and Sierra speed past only getting a slight glimpse which slows them to a stop. They exchange glances and back track to the laundry room. They peek in to find Wufei Chang riding the washer as if it were a mechanical bull. "What in the world is he doing?"

'_Like you don't know, Quatre. He's always trying to act so damn innocent. Nobody who's met your girlfriend would believe you're a virgin. . .then again they'd have to meet her in order to believe he's NOT gay.' _Sierra keeps her thoughts to herself.

"Yeah, oh-yeah, take it, you whore!" Wufei about hyperventilates, rubbing against the hot white machine as he rides it around the room. He had put it on full, rocket turbo cycle.

"He's really working that thing!" Sierra is surprised to see this from who was once such a solemn and proud warrior. Yet, she had a feeling he was a freak.

"EEUUUWWW!!" Their faces scrunch up as they realize that all the white soap splashed around the room is soap.

"Skeet-skeet on these walls, bitches!" Wufei calls out.

Heero's head hangs low in shame. The ugly beast is clinging to his arm humming happily like a good-storyline-sucking leech. At least Juggles is pretty. Relena Dorlain-Bush-Cheney-Merquise-Peacecraft (note: it's not cool to get your brother drunk, take him to Vegas, and marry him in order to take his last name) holds onto him gaily. IF only Genesis was there to save him to knock her out again. She had vowed to kill her someday, but just like his promises for some reason they haven't followed through.

Juggles, behind them, curiously shines her flashlight around in all directions. "Hey, there he is!" She clocks Heero upside the head with the flashlight. He goes down and Juggles just steps on him as she goes to the open doorway. "Get your ass up!"

"You killed my Heero Yuy!" Relena sobs over his body dramatically.

Juggles' eyes widen in shock. Relena grabs Heero's arm and drags him to the doorway to be as equally puzzled at the site of the bright room with a gigantic golden chocolate making machine. "WOW. . ." She gasps.

"Look at those! They're like miniature, bite-size people!" Relena elbows Juggles back so she can stand next to Heero. "Oh, I want one! Heero get me one of those. If you love me you'll get me one or four! Since I know you adore me so much or else why would you have saved me so many times?" She's making puppy eyes at him.

"Accidents, I assure you." He mutters.

Relena starts giving Heero shaken-baby-syndrome as she's about to throw a tantrum. Her antics don't go unnoticed as the Oompa Loompas get in a line before them. "Oompa Loompa, doopidy-do, we've got another puzzle for you. . ."

"Look what you started! Now they're going to sing and I'm never going to get their song out of my mind. It's going to burrow into my brain like an earwig just like your fake British accent that goes in and out. Cut it out you're not Madonna!" Heero scolds her.

"I'm much more popular and famous than Madonna!" Relena protests.

"Hey, can we finish our song, assholes?" One of the Oompas speaks up. "Fuck, now we've gotta start over."

"Yeah, sure, sorry." Heero holds up a hand.

"Oopma loompa doopidy-do, we've got another puzzle for you. What do you get when you're girlfriend's a slut? Getting poked all the time in her scrungidy butt? Catching diseases that are pass onto you so a doctor will say what to do," The deep voice speaks, "like syphilis and herpes!" They do the robot and rearrange themselves. "Oompa Loompa, doopidy-dee, if you are smart you'll listen to me. Don't get stupid and freeeaky just because she's down on one knee. You can stay clean and abstinent, too, like the Oompa-loompa doopidy do!" They then rush Relena.

"Let go of me! Heero save me!" She orders as they drag her away.

Heero glares with a smirk on his face. "Take the bitch! I don't want her! Thank you!"

"What are you guys going to do with her?" Juggles dares to ask.

"Fuck her!" They cheer.

"WHAT?!?!" Relena thrashes wildly.

"You know how long it's been since we've gotten any? It's hard to get laid when you're a 2 foot tall, orange dwarf dressed like Mario." One trailing behind answers.

"Fairly hard," Juggles understands. She bends down and helps Heero off the floor. "You know there's a valuable lesson to the songs they sing. Though I have no clue what it could be."

"Let's just get out of here before we start hearing high pitched groaning."

"Hold the flashlight still." Heero is finally walking on his own. Juggles is waving the light in every direction.

"What does it matter?" She doesn't stop.

"Hold it in front of you so we can see where we're goooooooooooooooooo. . ." Heero disappears through a hole in the floor.

"Huh, won't you look at that? A black hole." She shines the light, but can't see him.

Falling through three stories the sights he sees warp his mind. Sierra and Quatre are normal, but then Duo Maxwell and Gedra sporting a sex change cause a yelp of fright out of him. The las thing he sees is Wufei dressed like a naked cowboy, wrangling clothes in ass-less chaps. The strange portal leads him into darkness with that last vision convincing him he's about to drop into hell which turns out to be the backyard pool.

6--6

0

Sierra turns a corner and throws a grenade. It blows up and destroys an entire hall so that stars can be seen. "What did you do THAT for?" It was the third time she had done it for no apparent reason and Quatre is starting to add up the property damage that's going to come out of his pocket.

"I saw a rat." She shrugs.

"We don't have rats!" Quatre snips at her.

"Not now." She answers. She pauses and points at the floor ahead of them. There stands a very feminine little boy dressed like Peter Pan with a flute.

"Who are you?" Quatre inquires.

"I'm Queery the wood nymph." He announces.

Glances are exchanged. "Queery?" Sierra confirms. He nods politely. He's happy to meet them. "Uh, huh, okay. . ." She turns to Quatre.

"What is it?" The boys asks while hopping on one foot.

They hesitate to answer. "Well, your name is gay." Sierra wasn't scared to speak up as long as she has her hand grenades.

"No! No, it's not. Queery is my mother's name! Queery Futtbucker."

"No, it is and now that we know your last name is even more gay." Quatre agrees with Sierra.

It's two against one so the little guy can only huff. "So what's your name?"

"Quatre-"

"See! It's Quatre and Quatre is a gay name, too!" He tries to argue.

"No, it's actually not even though there was some confusion when I was a child because I would dress in my sister's dresses, because it made me feel pretty. Then my father ended up taking a picture of me thinking I was my sister Soreya, because she was wearing my clothes, but I'm not gay. I can't be." Quatre's answer really doesn't give him any credit.

"And why doesn't that make you gay, tranny?" He's confused.

"It's probably because I enjoy having sexual relations with my girlfriend every night and my friends are no longer attractive now that a female is actually around instead of troops of sweaty, rough skinned, tanned, and hard built Arab men."

Queery and Sierra stare at him with blank expressions. Sierra can't help, but think of that 3 sum Duo had mentioned he'd do with Heero and starts to wonder if she could trade herself for Qautre and sell the video on a twink site. (twink: gay slang term describing an attractive young or young-looking gay man (usually in his late teens or early twenties) with a slender build and little or no body hair. Also a character from the Nintendo 64 game _Paper Mario_)

"You two hurt my feelings! You're going to make my mom cry!" The nymph yells.

Sierra can't help, but giggle. "No, we didn't, fruit, er ah, _wood _nymph."

She's pushed him too far. "Shut up!" He screeches and twittles his finger then with a bolt of lighting zaps her!

"Sierra!" Quatre gasps.

She-Duo and he-Gedra head to the laundry room to find some better fitting cloths since non of there's will fit. Once arriving and finding Wufei reclined back in nothing, but a hiked up wedding dress and singing. "I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you. I was beat. Incomplete. I'd been had. I was sad and blue, but you made me feel. Yeah, you made me feel shiny and new Like a virgin touched for the very first time. Like a virgin when your heart beats next to mine. Gonna give you all my love, boy. My fear is fading fast. Been saving it all for you 'cause only love can last. You're so fine and you're mine. Make me strong, yeah, you make me bold. Oh, your love thawed out, yeah, your love thawed out what was scared and cold. Like a virgin touched for the very first time. Like a virgin with your heartbeat next to mine. Woah, woah, oh, woah. . . You're so fine and you're mine. I'll be yours 'til the end of time 'cause you made me feel, yeah, you made me feel I've nothing to hide. Like a virgin, hey, touched for the very first time. Like a virgin with your heartbeat next to mine. Like a virgin, a virgin feels so good inside when you hold me and your heart beats and you love me. Oooh baby, can't you hear my heart beat for the very first time."

She-Duo gives him a standing ovation, but he-Gedra shakes her head and just walks away, before the fever catches on.

Juggles makes it past all the strange obstacles in her path. A tribe of pink staplers that shoot staples, blood thirsting and ankle hungry chiwawas that must belong to Quatre; waltzing underwear, estranged crack whores, and sardine covered pizzas stood in her way. She finds the dining room where Soreya is still seated appearing quite bored with her head in her hand and playing with her fork.

She-Duo and he-Gedra hear the noises of their friends and go to find help. Trowa, who's been missing this entire time, comes downstairs with two little girls hanging from him like baby monkeys. One is a true Winner with her long blonde hair and deep blue eyes, but the other is a bit older and sports a short Curly Sue haircut.

Heero slumps in sopping wet and draped in water vegetation. (Forgot to mention. Note: the pool hasn't been used or cleaned since last summer.) Then a frightening creature enters the room. It has the feet of a chicken, the bill of a duck, tendril like extension and blonde hair. He's also carefully carrying a pet rock.

"Uncle Quatre?!" The red head shrieks.

"Hello, Collen," He then waves at the blonde, "Anna. Shouldn't you two be in bed now? Your moms (his sisters) are going to get mad if they find you've been misbehaving. Did you brush your teeth?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeees. . . " They elongate the "yes" curious as to why he's acting normal when he's become a circus freak.

"Holy shit!" Juggles can't hold back her laughter as she sees them all. "Whe-where's Sierra? Wasn't she with you?" She sputters.

Quatre sets the rock on the table. They all look at it waiting for his response. "She got lucky. He turned her into a rock."

"Guess he ran out of ideas after he made you!" Juggles is rolling.

"Hi, I kind of need some assistance over here if you all don't mind." Soreya lifts a hand to signal them.

"This mansion is insane. This is all impossible. It's against the rules of our entire reality." Gedra exclaims.

"Look at what it did to me!" Duo cries so every can see as he fondles his boobs. He's enjoying it a little, too much for having a PG audience in the room.

"Did you know there are Oompa Loompas working upstairs?" Juggles cocks her head to the side.

"Yes, they make us candy! That's why we're hyper active. We can't sleep. We can never sleep." That was a creepy confession by Collen. "The freaky girl with the living eyebrows and strikes poses as if she's a super model was here earlier and they took her away, because she was eating all our chocolate and wouldn't share. Fat pig."

"Is that why you're always so hyper, because of the candy?" Heero glares at Juggles.

"No, I'm just usually high as a kite." She laughs merrily and they all glare at her. "Though I think this baggy may have been laced." She hiccups and loses balance. "Those 'shrooms are making me queasy."

Genesis walks into the room where all the commotion is and pauses. She doesn't say a word. She only grabs another wine bottle and a bottle of Jack Daniels from the cabinet and walks away.

"You guys, I've got a little problem here." Soreya tries to interject.

"Dorothy was here, too? She must be how Relena found me." Heero concludes.

"Yeah, she was all freaking about where you went. We locked her in the closet. But you know what's weird? When they took Dorothy away there were some pretty disturbing screams that made my inner child cry. They were all like _'my god' _and _'oh, yes' _and 'fit _another one in there there's room for everyone'_. They sang about teaching her lesson about being a greedy slut by banging her, but I don't get it. So they're going to beat her?" Collens laughs. "Did you also know we have underwear gnomes? They're endangered."

"Yeah, I think I saw them dancing upstairs. They're pretty good." Juggles was impressed.

"Whoa, okay, what happened to you guys? How did all this occur?" Trowa has to ask.

They all snarl with rage. "LEPRECHAUN."

"It's was that fucking leprechaun!"

"I'm going to kill it! I'm going to chew it's ugly face off like a rabid dog!"

"Well, I'm going to stomp all over his nuts like a bull elephant!"

"Hell yeah! And I'm going to fling feces at it like an angry monkey!"

"Yeah, that movie was pretty god-awful, but there are better ones! Don't let it change your entire view of monster movies." Collen doesn't know about the real one.

Wufei dashes into the room dressed in a Teletubbie costume and begins furiously humping Trowa's leg. "Lick my kitty!"

"How do we stop it?" Anna's little voice speaks as she gets away from Trowa.

"Catch it. . .KILL IT," Heero's head twitches in a psychotic manner.

Collen steps forward. "I know how to catch a leprechaun! It's sooooooooo easy. You guys are retarded! You can't play his game and chase him everywhere. He'll set traps and sexually molest you!"

"Tell me about it." Duo rubs his/her still soar ass.

"Heero, can you pry Wufei off my leg. He's going to stain my good jeans." Trowa begs, but Heero doesn't listen.

Collen runs off to the kitchen and comes back with a red cereal box and a bowl. She stands on the table and pours the a bowl of hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, pots of gold, rainbows, and a red balloon. "Watch this!" She hurries up and jumps off the table. "Everyone hide!" They all duck behind pieces of furniture and out of the room. Everyone, but Soreya that is, who just sits there looking around.

"It's hard to move with Wufei on my leg. Find your own hiding place, Wufei!" Trowa grunts having to drag his extra weight around.

There's a chuckle and an Irish fiddle plays as the leprechaun appear out of thin air. He immediately starts wolfing down the Lucking Charms. Collen taps Anna on shoulder and Anna walks right up to the table with a rather large object she can barely keep off the ground. She crawls onto the table quietly without a word.

"Is that a frying pan?" Duo whispers.

Anna lifts it high above her head and with one mighty thrust bashes the leprechaun's face in sending blood all over the table and her aunt Soreya's face. She goes in for the final strike and bashes it's head in so hard bloody bits of skull, brain tissue, and Lucky Charms shoot out in all direction. The girls cheer and laugh hysterically at their achievement. The other just stare at the dead leprechaun.

"I could have thought of that!" Duo exclaims.

"Seriously, there's a lot of moisture and friction on my leg. I'm going to get a rug burn!" Trowa pleas for anyone's help.

The curses lifted Duo and Gedra go back to their birth given sexes. Quatre is human and Sierra turns into a real girl only to roll off the table. Other than that the others stay exactly the same. "Everyone has been freed from the leprechaun's magic!" Collen announces.

"If everyone is free then why is Wufei still humping the shit out of my leg?" Trowa really wants him off. "I don't want a repeat of what happened on Duo's birthday when we all became, too drunk to remember anything."

"If you don't remember then how do you know what you don't want to happen again?" Gedra points out.

"That's not the point nobody remembers anyhow." Trowa wants to her drop it.

"Yeah, well, you know Wufei. He's always been this way. Crazy-man. . .hehe, yeah," Duo speaks up suspiciously. He's sweating bullets. No one believes him. "Okay, so maybe he seemed a bit tense so maybe I gave him a little bit of ecstasy I told him were aspirin just so he could enjoy doing laundry for once? I mean the guy really dreads doing laundry. He has nightmares about. He told me so, he did." Duo puts his hands behind his head.

"Are you dealing drugs out of my home, Duo?! You can't be doing that! It's immoral and illegal! Look at how high Juggles is." Quatre freaks.

"Look at all the pretty sparklies!" She gazes up at nothing.

"Hey, I didn't do that to her! She's got a 'shroom patch growing out back. The X I got from one of your cleaning ladies." Duo explains.

There's a loud whistle and everyone finally notices her sitting there. "Did you say that the mushroom patch growing in the garden is actually a "'shroom patch?"' Soreya confirms. "Because I used those mushrooms in the spaghetti sauce for dinner."

"The hell, our entire crop?! Do you know how much that was worth?!" Duo's missing the point.

"This is bad. . .really bad." Gedra leans back against the wall.

"We're in for a long night, aren't we?" Quatre quivers.

"One more thing before you guys go off and ignore me again," Soreya clears her throat. "Can one of you help me, please? It seems that my entire ass is SUPER GLUED TO THIS FUCKING EIGHTEENTH CENTURY CHAIR!" She slams her fist on the table. "I'VE NEEDED TO PISS FOR THE LAST HOUR!"

"That was supposed to be a practical joke on Genesis. You ruined it." Juggles scolds her.

"Rub my bum for luck!" Screams Heero as he takes off running bare ass down the hall with his hands in the air.

The end. . .kind of. . .

Okay, it's over here, but there is a sequel I must re-write as well titled "One Night All Wrong (very wrong)". Now I warned you this was incredibly stupid and makes absolutely no sense, but to imagine these characters acting this insane way amuses me to no end. So I hoped you enjoyed as well. I have no clue why I wrote this. But the next one gets worse. I'm surprised I haven't been bashed for making it either. Sorry Relena and Dorothy fans. I just plain don't like those spoiled bitches.

So no flames or arguing with me over this retarded piece of potty humor!

eViL has spoken!

Original ending notes: had held "Assasin's Play" under the name Psybinx. That brings back memories ^_^


End file.
